Al-Anon / Alateen of North Carolina District 5

Al-Anon's 60th Anniversary

2011-10-11T15:19:00.002-04:00

Hi to all of you. I have been away from this blog for far too long.

As many of you know this year marks the 60th Anniversary since Al-Anon was founded. What has your group done to celebrate our 60th Anniversary?

Have you donated a piece of literature to your local library, including the day, time and location of your meeting inside the cover? Have you enjoyed cake at a business such as the District did at our meeting in September? Have you been silly at your meetings such as the Epworth Group who made tiaras with "60" on them (and yes, I wore one during the District meeting)?

Please share anything you or your group has done to celebrate Al-Anon's 60th Anniversary as a comment to this blog post.

Hugs in service,
Angela B.

Service and Balance

2011-04-08T13:07:00.000-04:00

Hi all,

So tomorrow makes my 6th District meeting as District Representative, meaning I’m nearly half way through my 3 year term. It has certainly been a learning experience!

I have learned so many things along the way. I have a whole new level of respect for those who have had this position before me. Wow, is about all I can say. I have learned more than I ever thought I wanted to know about Al-Anon/Alateen. I can now explain, in detail, how we function from the individual groups to the level of the World Service Office and how we are organized from the groups to WSO.

I have learned too how amazing our program of recovery can be. I don’t think I felt it any stronger than our last District meeting. 20+ of us, discussing finances, without raised voices or name calling. Amazing. The matters were discussed, ideas brought forward and ultimately a decision was made. Now I know some who would have groaned and said how painful it was to have that meeting. Well, yes, maybe it was. But our Concepts tell us that “participation is the key to harmony” and I have seen it action. To have that kind of discussion and still walk out of the room exchanging hugs and feeling satisfied that we had all been heard.

I’m working hard to strike a balance in my life currently. It is a tough proposition. I’m single, so I am responsible for my life – the cleaning of the house, maintaining of the car, paying of the bills, laundry, taking care of the little bit of yard I have, maintenance around the house, etc; no one to share those tasks with me. I have a lot of outside interests and friends. A professional organization that I am in service with, students at UNCC that I work with, I make pottery, and when I can, I really enjoy spending time with my friends. I have obligations to my family. I still need to do my mom’s taxes. I am planning a trip to see my sister at the end of April. And there is Al-Anon and all it means in my life. I’m still working on my steps so there is that part to consider. There is my service as DR and the three meetings per week I like to attend. Oh, and downtime. I forgot about that. You know couch potato, don’t want to do a thing times. Oh and exercise. Yep, would like to fit that in somewhere. And taking care of my health – maintenance visits for thyroid, essential tremor, mammogram, yearly vision exam, dental, etc .

All in all, it is tough to balance this. I will say that I like this life better than the crazy 70 hour work week life I was living 3.5 years ago. But it is a change, and I may have swung the pendulum too far from that “work is all I do” time to this time.

So, you may ask, where is the up side in all I’ve rambled on about? Here is what I’m learning. I’m learning to love Angela B, for who I am right here, right now. Overweight, struggling to find balance, occasional moments of doubt and frustration at work, a mom who is growing older and I need to think about long term care, etc. I am doing my best to not view any of this as negative or positive, but rather simply the facts of my life as it currently exists.

It is so easy to classify things, events and emotions as good or bad, and we fall into it so easily. For instance I’ve been grieving quite a bit for the last week or so over losing my dad a year ago. Several times I have caught myself beating myself up that what I’m feeling is “bad” and I just need to “get over it.” When I do this, I have been trying hard to step back and accept that these are emotions I need to deal with and that stuffing them away is not going to help.

Okay, so now you have been treated to what amounts a journal entry for the day. Time to get back to my job.

Hugs to you all and I look forward to seeing many of you at tomorrow’s District meeting.

Angela B.

various thoughts

2011-04-01T17:40:00.000-04:00

It has been a couple of weeks again since I posted , darn it. I have had a lot going on and over the last few days a lot on my mind.

It was a year ago tomorrow that the father figure in my life for the last 25 years passed away. I miss him quite a lot, but I have not been overwhelmed by my grief thank goodness. I still wish he was here to share so many things with me, but I was given a gift in that I got to tell him how much he meant to me before he passed. He saved every card my sister and I ever gave him. We sorted through them the weekend of the funeral. My sister sat right there and re-read every one. I still haven't been able to do it.

My sister and I each have a portion of his ashes and I've been trying to make a piece of pottery to store them in. So far, I just haven't made the "right" piece. Some really good pieces, but they are just not fitting the bill for me. Maybe I need to consciously try to open up to my HP one night while on the wheel. Funny how when I sit here and start to write the thoughts pop up.

I have ended therapy with my therapist for the time being. She tells me she feels like a mama bird having to shove the baby bird out of the nest and assures me I am ready to fly! I hope so! I do feel as though I have such a support network to turn to now. Friends, the program, the tools, slogans, activities to keep me busy and meeting new people - all good things for Angela B.

I have been thinking too about a friend I have had since college. Unfortunately I am thinking the time has come that our friendship has possibly run it's course. Such a sad thing. Our lives have gone very different directions and yet the same too. When I found Al-Anon I was so excited to tell her about it. She grew up in an alcoholic home and I just thought "oh she will so understand this." Unfortunately that was not her reaction at all.

Let's see what else is going on? Well I decided to adopt the current foster cat. I have bonded with him much more than the previous four. I think it has to do with all his medical issues and worrying about him. So I will officially become a real three cat household tomorrow when I complete the paperwork to adopt him. Elliot the One-Eyed Wonder cat. I will now be the owner of two one-eyed cats. Who would have thought?

I'm going to visit my sister and my nieces at the end of April for my sister's 40th birthday. My baby sister turning 40. Yikes! Our relationship has improved in so many ways since I found Al-Anon. I am able to pretty much stay out of her business and not continually ride in to the rescue. Such a relief. I wouldn't be surprised if she feels the same.

The relationship with my mom has improved since Al-Anon although I still struggle with some things especially since I consider her my qualifier. I came to a conclusion this morning about a method she uses for control. If I volunteer to do something for her, i.e. her taxes or book an airline ticket, it suddenly is asked about at every phone call and I start to feel resentful. Gee what a surprise! :-) So, I have learned to start limiting my volunteering. But the conclusion I came to this morning was that it is a way for her to control, by asking about it and "gently" chiding me if it isn't done. Makes me look at it differently, still resentful, but trying to see it from that perspective.

I get to attend my Saturday meeting in Huntersville tomorrow. I am so looking forward to it. I have only been able to attend once since the beginning of the year and I seriously miss this group. I won't be able to make it to QC tonight though darn it.

Okay, I guess I need to head off to my 6:30pm appointment.

Hugs,
Angela B.

loving yourself

2011-03-18T18:22:00.000-04:00

I have a saying taped to my bathroom mirror. It says "You, yourself, above all others, deserve your love and affection." It is supposedly attributable to Buddha. I don't know if this is true or not. I should Google it.

The point of sharing this with you, is to let you know that many of us struggle with this. Daily. Hourly. We are so good at beating ourselves up. Coulda, woulda, shoulda about "pick a topic." This act, loving myself for who I am right now, is incredibly difficult. It is not a skill I was taught as a child. I'm not sure if anyone is taught this. I don't mean narcissistic "I'm the only person who is important and the world should revolve around me" attitude, but a true appreciation of ourselves for who we are, faults and all.

I have been working on this in little bits and pieces. I'm sure if you have read any part of the blog you will have picked up on this. I think I am actually making progress. I am not nearly as obsessive about things. When someone smiles and seems happy to see me, I let myself feel genuinely appreciated. I don't dismiss that this person is just probably being nice. It is a much more serene way to live life.

I just read back over this and I'm not sure I'm making sense. It is difficult to write down. I guess I just wanted to touch on the topics of self esteem and self acceptance again. :-)

I am headed to another Area World Service Committee meeting tomorrow. I guess maybe that prompted this thinking this afternoon. I am beating myself up that I don't have all of my DR "stuff" (paperwork - lots of it, email and group contact info, etc) as organized as I keep planning to get it.

I sometimes feel very inadequate in this service position and feel like I'm being judged every which way. The truth is that I'm probably my own worst critic. I guess that was something I was taught as a child - put myself down before anyone else can do it and then they can't hurt you. I learned it somewhere along the way that is for sure.

Well, I'm heading out to run a couple of errands and then go to the Queen City Friday night meeting.

Hugs,
Angela B.

Reaching Out to Others

2011-03-10T08:21:00.002-05:00

A program friend called me the other night. He caught me off guard with the call, and I didn’t ask “Are you okay? Do you need to talk?” I realized this late that night so I called him back in the morning. It turns out he did need to talk.

His need to talk, and the things I said in response, WERE EXACTLY THE THINGS I NEEDED TO HEAR MYSELF. I am still amazed at the power of this program and the ways in which it works. Picking up that phone can be so hard, so scary, so intimidating. And yet, it seems every time I have reach out via phone or had someone reach out to me, it has done us both good. So the next time you are scared to call or think “oh I’ll be a bother,” pick up the phone and make the call. The person receiving the call may need it just as much as you do.

This got me to thinking about my Higher Power. Could my HP really be acting through the person who called me? Then is he really my HP, their HP, or what? Maybe we really do all have one HP, I don’t know. Maybe we each have our own and they talk to each other to get us to do things that turn out to help each other. The point doesn’t have to be for me to understand this or even to think about it too much. This program has taught me to believe, and trust, that I have an HP who is with me always and that sometimes my HP speaks to me through other people. And that sometimes the action does both of us good.

I haven’t blogged in awhile and for that I’m sorry. I guess I overcommitted myself every which way this spring. I have literally had one free Saturday since January 1. The up side is that I’m busy (can’t think too much), that I am doing things I enjoy and with people I enjoy being with.

Hugs everyone!
Angela B.

Happy Valentine’s Day!

2011-02-15T09:44:00.000-05:00

Okay so I’m a day late. If you know me, you know this is how holidays run for me. In fact I just loaded Christmas presents into my car this morning to be mailed out.

So I spent the weekend in Kansas. Yes, Kansas. In February. Only for a good friend would I go to a mid-western or plains state in February. A truly great friend got married this weekend.

She asked me to be her “enforcer.” New wedding party position! Actually it was to run interference between her and her family on the big day. She and I have a lot in common when it comes to family. We have been the “fixers” for years. Our families count on it. And we get frustrated and resentful when they don’t take our suggestions. Isn’t that why they called after all?

Well, no it isn’t. Or it isn’t if we don’t let it be. Okay, a double negative, but you know what I mean. “I’m really sorry you are dealing with this again” has become her mantra. What a lifesaver that statement is!

Her family is perpetually late. No family photos before they wedding. It just simply didn’t happen. The family was supposed to be at the church by 11:30 a.m. and the earliest one of them arrived was noon. So you can picture how it went. Flowers and ribbons for the pews were still being put together at 1:40 for the 2:00 pm ceremony.

Anyway, my job was to keep her calm, and answer all their questions and prod them into completing their assigned tasks, getting to where they were supposed to go, etc. I can only hope I have a friend who does the same for me one day.

After the ceremony, the two friends I was traveling with and I decided to get silly. We showed up at the reception, before the family (gasp!), in dollar store tablecloths tied on as our capes and glow stick weapons calling ourselves the bride’s superheroes! It was fantastic. A chance to be silly and ridiculous. To play. To not worry what other people thought. We played several rowdy rounds of Uno at our table, I hollered at the groom while he was dancing, and then generally danced like a goofball myself.

I have forgotten how to play to be honest. To not worry what others will think of me. To not worry about what I look like. To play, dance, and be slightly rowdy was out of my comfort zone. But I remember that comfort zone vaguely. I think I knew that zone until I was about 10 and then for a brief time in my early to mid-twenties.

What happened to those in-between times? Well, at age 10 some events happened in my family that started a lot of the loss of feeling safe and secure in my family situation. Although my mom and stepdad #1 didn’t divorce until I was 13, the family situation had changed due to some other circumstances. Then I was in teenage angst mode for years.

In my early to mid-twenties I probably weighed the least I have weighed as an adult and I’m sure that had something to do with the whole thing of not worrying about people looking at me.

Well time to dig into work.

Yours in service, and with hugs,

Angela B.

Winter Round Up

2011-02-04T17:44:00.000-05:00

Just a quick news tidbit type post. Winter Round Up, held on January 22, was a resounding success. 186 attendees! Great job to Maggie and all her volunteers for pulling this together. The silent auction was fantastic as well with over $1500 raised for our District!

I'm entering my second year of service as your District Representative. My how the time flies! I'm pretty sure I held my first District meeting just a week or two ago - but no that was my 5th District meeting. Seven to go!

Thanks to all of you for your service - leading meetings, sponsoring, welcoming newcomers, helping with Winter Round Up, serving as GR for your Group, serving at the District level. We are a powerful group when we put our heads together always looking to carry our message of serenity to the next person needing our help. We know how we felt when we came into these rooms and I'm proud of all of you for turning around and sharing what you found.

Hugs,
Angela

Birthday

2011-01-11T16:46:00.000-05:00

Today is my Al-Anon birthday (versus my belly button birthday)! Three years I have been in the program. What a good opportunity for reflection!

Three years ago I walked into my first Al-Anon meeting here in Charlotte. I was in such pain. So confused. The relationships with my sister and my mother had taken a major hit over the holidays. I had spent Christmas with my then boyfriend at his parent’s place in Oregon. Our relationship wasn’t doing so well either, in part due to the explosion he had seen between me, my sister and my mom at Thanksgiving. I don’t know why everything boiled up that year, but boy did it ever.

Old hurts, old resentments, me telling my mother she needed to get on a plane and leave from my sister’s rather than driving home with me. Things were said and done in the turmoil of emotions that were going on that will never be undone.

I can accept that now. I know there is no going back. I can look at my part in the whole mess though. And boy did I have a part in it.

The relationship with my sister is that much stronger for it now. I think we both shared something of ourselves, that although painful, it was good to know about each other. I always pictured her having weathered the chaos of our childhood so much better than I did. How wrong I was! She was just much better at not letting it show.

The relationship with my mom, who I consider my qualifier, is better too. Different, but better. I don’t jump in when she throws out the opportunities to embroil myself in her difficulties, my sister’s difficulties, or anyone else’s difficulties. I have learned to keep my mouth shut. I have learned they each have their own Higher Power and it isn’t me. I can’t fix what isn’t right for them. In most cases I don’t even offer advice now, because I become resentful if they don’t take it. Instead I offer sympathy and a sounding board and then change the subject.

As for my program, well I’m not as far along as I pictured. By my plan I was supposed to be done with Step 4 by this time last year and instead I’m just getting started on it. However, this program has taught me that it is okay and that I don’t have to abide by any time table but the one my Higher Power has planned for me.

The Holidays Are Over…..

2011-01-07T15:34:00.000-05:00

Back into dealing with reality and real life – the good and the boring! The boring part is all the stuff you saw your parents do as a kid but never really thought about being part of your adult life when you grew up – bills, laundry, cleaning the house, grocery shopping, etc. The good part is I had a great holiday time with friends and family.

I have many good things in my life and I don’t always stop to think about them and be grateful in the moment. So I’m going to share a short gratitude list with you today.

My job. I like what I do and every day goes by very quickly with new challenges and new things to learn. I like the people I work with.
My home. I like my townhouse and the part of town I live in very much.
My friends. I have great friends in my life. From the ones I’ve known for more than 2 decades, to the new friends I’ve made since I came into the Al-Anon program. All of them enrich my life more than they will ever know.
My family. Granted, this is part of why I ended up in this program, but I’m grateful I have them, that I love them and they love me and I am not alone in this world.
My pets. They share their love so unconditionally, you just can’t help feeling a moment of happiness when they are happy to be snuggled up to you on the couch.
My health. I am not “healthy” necessarily due to my weight, but I’m also not disabled in any way and for that I’m grateful.
My program. I cannot even think of how screwed up I would be if I hadn’t found Al-Anon 3 years ago. My recovery birthday is next week – January 11. I know it will take time to undo the 39 years it took for me to get into the program, but I can see the progress and that is what is important.
My pottery. I have found an artistic outlet that I enjoy far more than I could have ever imagined. And I get to make “gratitude” or “god” boxes too!

I’m digging into my second year of service as District Representative. 2010 feels like a blur and I’m pretty sure it was just yesterday that I met with Dick R. for him to turn over files, etc to me. I’m feeling a little more confident of my abilities, and I’m sure it will work as my service sponsor says that I will feel like I know what I’m doing just about the time my 3 year term of service ends.

I hope all of you had a great holiday and a Happy New Year to all of us! My your program bring you serenity and joy this year.

Hugs,

Angela B.

2011 Winter Roundup!!!! And Gift Basket Silent Auction!

2011-01-05T21:28:00.000-05:00

Well, it's that time of year again! The Winter Round Up is Saturday, January 22 at

St. Matthews Catholic Church
8015 Ballantyne Commons Parkway
Charlotte, NC 28277

Registration Begins at 8:45 AM; Program 9:45AM – 3PM
A flyer with detailed program information will be on the District 5 website http://www.charlottealanon.org/ or available from your Group Representative.

$8.00 for Al-Anon & AA Members
$5.00 Alateen

2011 District 5 Winter Round Up Gift Basket & Baked Goods/Homemade Craft Silent Auction

Whooo-hoo! Possibly the most exciting, fulfilling day this winter is almost here! Yes, ladies and gentlemen, we are changing it up a little and are having a Gift Basket AND Baked/Frozen Food/Homemade Craft Silent Auction to support District 5 and functions that affect our District.

We are asking your group to donate a basket, but are also encouraging individuals to donate an auctionable item(s) as well. The individual donations do not necessarily need to be a part of the group’s gift basket. Get together with your friends and schedule a making/baking/basket assembly party!! We have had so much success with the talent that is so abundant in our fellowship. We've had art, photographs, sailing lessons, fiddle lessons, Spirit Fairies, apple cake, hand knitted scarves, crocheted blankets, terrariums, dog treats, frozen dinners, hair cuts, and many, many other items. The spa, coffee, tea, knitted/crocheted items, gardening, pet, Al-Anon literature, food, breakfast, soup, cookies/sweets, movie, spiritual, good luck and book themes are all great ideas for your donation. The Pet basket last year was an absolute hit!!!! Keeping the basket theme to a “spiritual/serene nature” is encouraged. Put on your thinking cap and donate your specialty for the auction. You may be very, very surprised to see how much your item brings in for District 5!!

If you have any questions, please post as a comment to the blog and I'll answer as best I can.
Thank you for all that you do!! All contributions are sincerely appreciated!

Please forward this along to everyone in your addressbook who is a member of Al-Anon. I look forward to seeing you on January 22!!

Fear = False Evidence Appearing Real

2010-12-07T19:59:00.000-05:00

I meant to post this last week and forgot!
Angela

From 12/2/10
Happy Thursday everyone!

I hope you have all recuperated from your Thanksgiving holiday. Mine went too quickly but was very enjoyable.

So, today’s title, “Fear = False Evidence Appearing Real.” This was one of the first acronyms I heard when I came into Al-Anon and boy did it strike home for me.

Yesterday I wrestled with this again. I took my first yoga class after being inactive for years. And I do mean inactive – no swimming, no walking, no exercise basically, period, end of story. So, of course I end up getting into the class late. And then you know I’m sure everyone is looking at me. Mind you, I’m taking this at work too at our gym, so I know half the class. Then I feel awkward and uncomfortable in the first pose or two. But I’m reminding myself in my head, hey, give yourself a break, perfection isn’t the goal here. As I look around the class I realize no one is looking at me. They are in their own space doing their own thing.

While I struggled through the class, I did enjoy it and it is all the stretches I need to be doing to help with my ongoing recovery from knee surgery. Here is where the fear part kicked in. At the end of class as we are relaxing in a final pose called “corpse pose” (basically lying still and trying to quiet the mind and relax the body) I suddenly find myself crying. I’m thinking “What the heck?” I let it happen and tried to figure out where the tears were coming from. I think it was the tension from all that fear. Still there, still not gone, but at least being released in some way from my body and mind. Holey moley. I mean I know I carry a lot of fear around about how I think others think of me. Let’s face it, if you know me, you know I’m not a skinny woman. That is my fear. That I’m not skinny and that because of that people won’t like me. And yet, I have no evidence to support that. Quite the contrary in fact.

Actually I think the fear is even deeper than this. The fear is that I am not a thin woman and therefore I’m never going to find a man to love and who will love me for who I am, no matter what shape my body is in.

Okay, now I’m crying at my desk when I really need to be working. Going to email this to myself to post tonight.

Hugs to all of you who read this. I know the hugs you give me when I see you mean more than you will ever know.

Angela B.

today's reading in ODAT

2010-11-24T09:29:00.000-05:00

So, I missed reading my usual daily reading in Hope For Today this morning. I already had it packed by the time I brushed my teeth. I'm going to my sister's for the Thanksgiving holiday. And yes, I have a post-it on my bathroom mirror that says "Brush Teeth = Daily Reading." I just couldn't seem to get in the habit of doing a daily reading and someone suggested this at a meeting to me.

So, that brings me to today's ODAT reading. I have no excuse for not doing a daily reading as I have Hope For Today at my bedside, Courage To Change in my car, and One Day At A Time (ODAT) in my desk drawer at work. So the ODAT doesn't get used much because I'm doing so much better about the reading at home in the morning.

But, today, as I mentioned, I missed my reading at home, so I cracked open my ODAT before sitting down to write on the blog. Good stuff in here people, as usual. It is about meetings being for us and dealing with our frustrations and difficulties, not a rehash of someone else's faults and actions (our qualifier or anyone else really).

This is one of the best things I love about Al-Anon. At healthy meetings, we don't allow each other to wallow around in our self-pity and commiserate endlessly about how we have been wronged. We decide to stop volunteering to be victims and find constructive ways to help ourselves. Yes!

I am blessed to regularly attend 3 healthy meetings each week. Meetings where experience, strength and hope are routinely shared both during the meeting and in the fellowship that follows. I know my Higher Power brought me to this program when I was finally ready, but oh it would have been so nice to have found it before I was in my late thirties! I know, I know, I wasn't ready.

I hope you all have a wonderful and safe Thanksgiving holiday. Believe it or not a trip just like the one I am about to take this weekend is what prompted me hitting my "bottom" and finally finding Al-Anon. For that I'm grateful. Remember to detach with love when needed and that expectations are premeditated resentments.

Hugs,
Angela B.

"weight" it's Tuesday

2010-11-16T14:21:00.000-05:00

Okay, so yes it is a corny title to today's blog. A play on words after just completing an online health assessment as part of my company's health insurance program for the coming year. As a large company we are self insured and therefore any claims are really paid by us the employees. You know I didn't learn this until I had been with the company for 3 years? They are really pushing hard on several fronts to help us become healthier individuals and in effect control our own insurance costs.

So, for those of you know me personally, you know I am overweight. This is a very hard thing for me and something I have struggled with since I hit puberty. First it is hard to deal with, but second it is even harder to admit out loud (or in writing). It triggers all kinds of emotional reactions.

It also ties in super strongly to all my self esteem issues. Never the pretty, popular cheerleader girl in school even though I would have given ANYTHING to be that girl. Then this whole issue of my self esteem leads into my lack of romantic relationships through the years. I did finally fall in love 4 years ago, but it was not meant to be. We made it through 2 years of a long distance relationship before it came apart. The sad part is I lost a friend of 15 years.

I'm sure as I start to dig into my 4th Step I will find all kinds of useful ah-ha moments that help me start to come to grips with this significant issue.

Thanks everyone for letting me throw out random topics here.

Hugs,
Angela

reaching out via telephone

2010-11-14T21:43:00.000-05:00

Hi all,
An AFG member called me this evening. This aspect of our program, the ability to reach out to someone on the phone list, is such a blessing. Both for the person who makes the call and the person who receives it. The person who called was calling to see if I would be their sponsor. Wow! How flattering. Unfortunately I don't think I'm at a place in my own recovery (working on step 4) to start sponsoring others. I was able to offer her other names of AFG members to consider and contact.

She and I did talk for quite some time and I hope I was able to offer her some experience, strength and hope. These phone calls are important for those who receive them because it gives the receiver a chance to reflect on their own growth in order to offer experience, strength and hope. It offers the receiver a chance to help another in need like we have been helped.

For the person who makes the call, this is an important step in reaching out and trusting others. At least it was for me. Those phone calls to others in our fellowship have gotten me through some really rough periods in my life. Probably more than those I called will ever know. For their wisdom, patience, honesty and for their holding my phone call in their safe hearts and hands I am grateful.

Well, I'm wrapping up the Sunday laundry. I hope we all have a safe and serene week.

Hugs,
Angela B.

grumpy morning

2010-11-11T08:29:00.000-05:00

Hi all,
Well, I'm back from a great 4 day conference with a professional organization I belong to. So inspiring to meet with this national group. However, yesterday I had a run in with my boss over one of my designs here at work. And today, I'm still feeling grumpy as all get out about it.

I know this is my ego and my will getting in my own way, but I'm struggling with it still 24 hours later nonetheless. So, I'm hoping that writing about it will help.

The problem is that I finished this design for another department, and specifically didn't do something because they didn't want it designed that way. Well, a well-meaning co-worker took my design to a weekly meeting we hold to discuss designs while I was out of the office. In my opinion this design shouldn't have gone to this meeting because no other similar project designs ever do. So I'm feeling resentful and persecuted about that whole aspect.

Then, I'm frustrated because what they decided at the meeting (that I was not at) was that I should do exactly what the other department didn't want. Didn't they think I thought of that? Didn't they think I discussed this with the other department? So now I'm feeling like "less than" which plays into my whole ball of issues regarding self-esteen and feeling worthless. Aiyiyi.

If anyone has any words of wisdom today, I sure could stand to hear them. I keep asking myself "How important is it?" but so far I haven't been able to let it go. Your experience, strength and hope would be appreciated. For now, I'm going to try and connect to my HP and let it go. And I may have to do that every minute for the rest of the day.

Hugs all,
Angela B.

Closing Prayer

2010-10-30T14:46:00.000-04:00

I had a question earlier this week from someone about the closing prayer at a meeting. It was about the use of The Lord's Prayer and wasn't that an issue as it is generally recognized as a "Christian" prayer.

This took me back to my first days in Al-Anon. You know the first meeting I attended regularly, and what I now consider my home group, used the Lord's Prayer in their closing. Honestly it kind of freaked me out on a couple of levels.

First the whole God or Higher Power thing freaked me out when they read the Steps. But I was in such pain, and they said "as I understood him" that I kept coming back.

Second was that I remembered the Lord's Prayer. As if it had been drilled into me like the periodic table or formulas I used in engineering were. I hadn't been near a church in decades, and yet the words to the prayer came out of my mouth as if I had been saying them daily for those decades.

Over time, I learned to accept that when I said the words "Our Father" in the prayer I was speaking to my HP and to the group's HP. My HP is still not well defined for me and that is okay.

Eventually someone came along in our group and suggested at a Group conscience meeting that we change to the Serenity Prayer. We discussed it and we did make the change. The key is that we decided as a group what we wanted to do. Concept 4 says "Participation is the key to harmony." This is so incredibly true in Al-Anon. If you participate, you gain so much. Maybe it doesn't get done your way, but the feelings you get from participating and listening to others is tremendous.

The Service Manual actually leaves it up to the groups to decide how to close their meetings. It specifically says "Will all who care to join me in closing with the _____ prayer?" It is purposely left blank for each group to decide on this part of their meeting, sticking with Tradition 1 that the greatest progress for all comes from unity.

Enjoy your meetings this week. Each one is as unique as the people who participate. For that I am grateful.

Hugs,
Angela B.

a mixed feeling kind of day

2010-10-18T15:09:00.000-04:00

Many of you know that the person who has been the father figure in my life for the last 25+ years passed away earlier this year. (he was my ex-stepfather, but for all intents and purposes a dad to me). Today would have been his 65th birthday. So I'm feeling a little sad that I can't pick up the phone to call him. To tell him Happy Birthday and that his present, and card, will be late as usual.

This was sort of an ongoing joke between us. We eached missed the other's birthday entirely once. We were both always horribly late on the cards and gifts. I actually got my birthday card for June of 2009 in January 2010 just as he was diagnosed with Stage IV cancer. It had been on his desk for months to be mailed.

On the other hand, I'm happy today to have handed off a lot of the District 5 office responsibilities to two very capable women who have offered their service as Office Coordinator and one brand new employee for the office. All three were here in the office today and I think they are all on the same page and we are going to start rocking out as a Literature Distribution Center/Al-Anon Information Service.

If you don't know what an LDC or AIS are, I suggest you go to the Al-Anon member's website http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/members/ and log in. The log in is self explanatory. Then, click on Group Services and then Guidelines to read G-4 Al-Anon Information Services and G-18 Literature Distribution Centers.

So, enough for now. I've got some reading to get done.
Yours in service,
Angela B.

District 5 office

2010-10-17T22:07:00.000-04:00

Hi all,
Well, we have filled the role at the office vacated by Cynthia. Our new employee starts tomorrow! Hurray!

Many thanks to Dick R. for his leadership in finding candidates, scheduling interviews, and scheduling temporary help during the interim. Thanks to Rick B. for his service on the interview and selection committee.

Also, someone has stepped forward to serve as the Office Coordinator. Actually a team of two someones. I am so relieved and happy. You truly have no idea.

I have been feeling completely overwhelmed by the DR thing and Cynthia's leaving sort of sent me over the edge. It was the last straw and broke my back for about a 3 week period, culminating in 3 really bad days the week before last, a late night phone call to my service sponsor who was away in the mountains, and a great deal of turmoil in my mind and heart. Plus much crying and blubbering.

So, I'm moving forward again. Working on trying to find balance in my life for all that I do - work, District Rep, my meetings, my involvement in a professional organization, pottery classes, and physical therapy following knee surgery that is still continuing.

My service sponsor and I talked again at the end of this past week and she will knock me upside the head (gently) when I let myself feel so beaten up again.

The District meeting on October 9 went well and Fall Assembly is coming up fast.

Well, the dryer has buzzed and it is time to put away clothes before going to bed for a new work week.

Thank you to the many of you that shared hugs with me over the past two weeks. They have meant more to me than you will ever know.
Angela B.

Tuesday, Tuesday (but sung to "Monday, Monday" tune)

2010-10-05T08:13:00.000-04:00

Hi all,
Got to attend my home group last night. That meeting is so special to me. The people in that room have given me so much comfort over the last 2.5 years+. It is so reassuring to know that others suffer from this disease and that it has messed up their thoughts as much as it has messed up mine. Who knew your brain could deceive you so well?

So, we talked about sponsorship last night as our topic. It has been on my mind lately for several reasons, not the least of which is that I sat down on Sunday and reviewed/completed Step 3 with my sponsor. Hurray for me!!! It is so funny sometimes to read the answers I wrote. I think to one of the questions all I did was write more questions!

I don't usually sit down and chug out the answers to a Step all at once (I'm working through the questions in Paths to Recovery). Step 3 spanned from March to August for me to answer all of the questions. So, when I go back to read what I wrote 3-6 months ago, it is quite interesting.

My program sponsor is also my service sponsor for me in the DR position. So, I got to spend some time talking to her about DR and how all of that is going. In my mind I'm not living up to what I think I should be doing. But I'm learning that is my disease talking to me. So, I just keep reminding myself every single solitary day (sometimes hourly) "Progress, not perfection."

Well, I'm through the first cup of coffee, so I guess it is time to dig into the work I get paid for.

Hugs to all of you. Don't be afraid to think of service to your group or your District. It is a wonderful way to practice your program skills in a forgiving and encouraging environment.

Angela B.

Alateen coordinator

2010-09-28T16:26:00.000-04:00

Okay, so I'm guilty of mostly writing this while at work. I have definitely over committed myself, but I'm working on it!

I handed off the info I had to our new District 5 Alateen Coordinator, Melanie F., today. Hurray! I'm thrilled to have Melanie on board. She and I had lunch and it was so wonderful to share with someone what needs to be done to get our AMIIAS all up to date as well as some other concerns that we might want to discuss and further address in our District 5 Alateen/AMIIAS Guidelines.

If you are interested in Alateen, we would love for you to contact us and start the ball rolling on you receiving your AMIIAS certification.

We had a big public outreach effort on 9/18, but I haven't had a chance to connect with Heather to hear all the details. I'm sure it went really well.

Also, the Courage to Change Workshops held this past Saturday 9/25 were great. 150 people in attendance! This is fantastic and shows what one AFG can do when they put their minds and talents together.

Okay, so I'm off to physical therapy for the knee and then to pottery class. I have God boxes to make and Christmas presents and both will be due before I know it.

Hugs to you all! (my sponsor says we all need 6 a day to grow)
Angela B.

Service - those who came before us

2010-09-20T17:30:00.000-04:00

Well, you should have guessed I would get around to this topic eventually!

I had this really great thought about service early this morning and I should have written it down. Maybe it will come to me while I'm writing this. In a nutshell, service is one of the three Legacies of Al-Anon. Without service our organization would not continue. Service comes in so many varied forms, but one of the most important is the continued involvement of those who have completed the steps and gone before us.

This service, by those who have completed the steps, allows newcomers to see what the program can do for them. Their service can be as simple as continuing to attend meetings regularly, or as complex as volunteering to serve at the District, Area or WSO level, or becoming a sponsor. Without the service of those who came before us, we would not have our wonderful Al-Anon and Alateen programs to turn to.

So, I would ask that any of you who are reading this remember this topic and perhaps bring it up in your meetings if you have the opportunity. Read from the Service Manual or from our literature, discuss your thoughts about service (big or small), and remind all of our fellowship that those who have worked the steps have the responsibility to continue their program by offering their experience, strength and hope to those who entered the program after them.

Happy Monday everyone. Wish for some rain for me here, will you? We could use it.
Angela B.

rambling thoughts

2010-09-13T17:04:00.003-04:00

I've no particular thought on my mind today, so this will be a bit of this and a bit of that.

Saw a very good program friend over the weekend. She went to her first Area World Service Committee meeting. Lots of questions from her on the way home about our organization/structure. It really can be quite overwhelming. I highly recommend looking at the org chart on page 157 of the Service Manual. You can even look at it on online. The service manual is accessed through the members website at http://www.al-anon.org/members/
The service manual part you want is at http://www.al-anon.org/members/pdf/p2427/P2427_115_162.pdf.

It probably doesn't help that we can so easily fall into acronym use too, plus the identification of "Alternate" positions.

Work for me has been going along pretty well and busy, so no complaints on that front. Pottery class is starting again tomorrow night so I'm looking forward to that.

I finished Step 3 and just need to review it with my sponsor now. Did I mention that before? :-)
It is funny because the program friend I saw over the weekend, showed up with her Paths To Recovery book and was going to have me answer questions on the way to the meeting in Burlington. She had no idea I had been working the steps and yet I could swear I had told her!

My oldest niece is turning 15 in a couple of weeks. I'm feeling like an old fogie and I'm only 42! I remember holding her in my arms like it was yesterday. geez, where does the time go?

I'm looking forward to my meeting tonight. I miss my home group folks and I'm sad to say I didn't make it to any of my usual 3 meetings last week. That makes for a not good Angela B.

Well, it is time for me to duck out of here and head to that meeting. It is such a part of my Monday night schedule that it really does throw me all out of whack when I miss it.

Hugs to you all! (my sponsor says you need 6/day to grow!)
Angela B.

Sponsorship - more thoughts

2010-09-10T13:49:00.002-04:00

I read today's reading in Hope For Today this morning. It was about sponsorship and how that role plays out in our recovery. Lately I have been turning more to my service sponsor than my program sponsor (although they are actually the same person in my case). My service sponsor helps me with questions I have about the position of District Representative, about questions the fellowship poses to me that I have no idea how to answer, and many other things about Al-Anon.

Every time I'm amazed at how happily she takes my call or reads my email and provides me with thoughtful feedback.

I have also called on the previous DR many times to answer my questions or get history about a particular issue. He too always answers my call or responds to my email.

I'm gearing up for the next Area World Service Committee meeting which is tomorrow. A friend who lives in District 1 will be coming along as their Alternate DR. It will be her first AWSC meeting and hopefully I'll be able to do as her friend what my service sponsors have done for me - answer her questions and encourage her service work tomorrow.

Take care everybody.
Angela B.

long weekend

2010-09-07T08:28:00.002-04:00

Hi all,
Well it feels like a Monday here after the long holiday weekend.

I traveled to see my sister so I missed my Friday, Saturday and Monday night meetings. I'm already looking forward to this Friday night meeting. Then I have an Area World Service Committee meeting on Saturday in Burlington. Before I know it half of September will be over.

So a long weekend spent with family is fraught with the opportunity to slip into old habits, as you might imagine. For the most part I didn't find myself doing those things. Part of it may be my sister's fiancée. Wow what an influence he has been on her. So calm and just doesn't let her temper tantrums (over the little things) get to him. So, consequently she doesn't seem to have those temper tantrums over the little things.

He does play in a band and so I do see both of them drinking quite a bit, but they aren't doing it every day so I'm leaving it be. He holds a real job too and drives over an hour each way to work, so he must love my sister to do that.

My one desire to slip into my old habits of offering my opinions and advice occurred Sunday night. She got into it with her soon to be stepson. She felt he lied to her about who drank the last diet Mt. Dew in the fridge. Whether he did or not I don't know. But I stayed out of it, so good for me and my program.

Okay, off to work now. Meetings all day today.

Yours in service,
Angela B.

A request for info on sponsorship

2010-09-02T22:06:00.003-04:00

I had a request from someone to share about finding a sponsor.

I can tell you my story about a sponsor. I found my first sponsor during my first year in the program and we had a lot in common. However, I wasn't ready for the committment. Especially her request to call her every day. I felt like I was interrupting because she had a family and kids to tend to. When I finally decided I needed a sponsor and I had to make this committment to my program, she was unable to continue as my sponsor.

So I began to search. I settled on someone who regularly attended one of the meetings I did. Then, as soon as I made up my mind to ask her, she stopped showing up at the meeting. Okay HP, I'm listening!!

So, I decided I might need to broaden my search pool and tried a new meeting. The Queen City Friday night meeting. I had heard lots of good things about this meeting. Well, that first night when I walked in, the woman who greeted me was someone I had met at the previous Winter Round Up. I didn't remember her name, but what I remembered was that she came into one of the same sessions at Winter Round Up, gave everyone a hug (whether she knew us or not), and stated "You need 6 hugs a day to grow!" She was just this vibrant person who immediately made an impact on me. So when I walked into QC Friday night and there she was I though "Okay, HP, I'm paying attention!"

So I asked her after that meeting if she would be my sponsor. She is both my program sponsor and my service sponsor.

I have actually finished Step 3 and I'm about to embark on the journey of Step 4.

Finding your sponsor and establishing a relationship is a journey, just like every part of this program. I asked a few others before widening my search pool and finding my sponsor. It just wasn't the right time for them. It wasn't about them not liking me! Sponsorship is about establishing a new relationship of trust and communication. No hurt feelings, no old resentments, none of the old patterns we know oh so well. Enjoy finding your sponsor. You never know who you will meet along the way!

Yours in service,
Angela B.

Alateen on my mind....

2010-08-23T12:39:00.003-04:00

Hi all,
Wow, the blog has two followers! How cool!

So, Alateen seems to have been my focus as District Rep lately. Recruiting AMIIAS (Al-Anon Member Involved In Alateen Service), a new Alateen group wants to form in Matthews, finding an Alateen Coordinator for the District, getting my own AMIIAS approval, the District 5 Guidelines for Alateen & AMIIAS, whew. AMIIAS - say "ah-my-us"

I went and got fingerprinted today for my own FBI background check to be an AMIIAS. Did you know that the District 5 Guidelines for AMIIAS are stricter than those of the Area and WSO? Well they are. We do a FBI background check and sex offender registry search before the District signs off on the AMIIAS application and forwards it to Area 42. I'm going to get these guidelines posted up on our web page for easier access by all.

In the area of recruiting, I know of two people who are taking the steps to get their own AMIIAS application going. I also found an Alateen Coordinator from our existing AMIIAS in the District! Oh happy day for me!!! I just need to figure out now what to hand off to her. I obsess with handing things over to people in "perfect" order and I'm having to work on that. Me? An obsession? Not in this program! Yeah, right.

Anyway, all you Alateens have been on my mind lately and I've enjoyed meeting several of you as well as our AMIIAS who sponsor these groups.

Okay, lunch time is over. Time for me to get back to work.

Yours in service,
Angela B.

someone is reading!

2010-07-28T10:49:00.000-04:00

Wow, someone actually is reading the blog. Thanks so much for the comment Stephanie. I was starting to wonder if my ramblings were just floating in cyberspace.

So, our next District 5 meeting is this Saturday. My how the time flies. I'm frantically getting ready for it, and realizing how much I have overcommitted myself this week. I'm going to have to work to block out the time ahead of these meetings for better preparation.

I am continually amazed at the amount of email I get related to being District Representative. From the various GR's letting me know about changes related to their groups, from the Area level sharing info I need to pass on to the groups, from Alateen, etc. I have literally tried to eliminate every other email subscription I have away from work just to try and keep up with the Al-Anon email.

Keeping up with Group Contact info has been challenging all by itself. Group emails, mailing addresses, GR contacts, groups starting, groups closing, etc.

I am not making the best use of my time it feels like. I can very easily still slip into that place of isolating and not doing the things I know I should be doing. My meeting schedule of 3x's per week has slipped and that probably has something to do with it.

I don't call my sponsor like I probably should either. But, she is always there for me when I do and for that I am forever grateful. She has helped me so much in the last 7-8 months. Just knowing I have this person to rely on to help me talk through the troubles sometimes makes it easy to work it out without even making the call!

My Al-Anon friends help too. So many of you who offer a hug, a smile, a "we missed you!" (with the exclamation mark) when I show back up after having missed a couple of my regular meetings.

Okay, I should really be working. Next post - my 2nd AA speaker meeting and my thoughts about it (trying to do what my sponsor tells me!).

yours in service,
Angela

Hope for Today

2010-07-09T08:38:00.000-04:00

Good morning all,
Today's Hope For Today reading was very interesting. It talked about how this person had started the program and was doing really well, but it started to fade off. And she realized it was because she was focusing on the friendships she had developed instead of her own recovery. She wasn't thinking about the message at the meetings but rather her friends at the meetings.

I've been lax in getting to my 3 meetings a week over the last 6 weeks or so do to various commitments (over commitments really) or my own sheer laziness. When I have been to meetings though I have been trying to focus on the messages being shared. Sometimes that means I have to close my eyes and really listen to the person sharing. I can't be passive in this listening, I have to be active, or I discover I walk out of the meeting without gaining anything toward my own recovery.

After a long day at work, this can be really hard. When I'm looking forward to catching up in the fellowship that occurs after a meeting this can be really hard. But, when I do it, I find those "ah-ha" moments that occurred so often during my first year in recovery.

So, I'm off to get busy at work now. And looking forward to the message I will hear at the meeting I attend on Friday nights. I hope you find a message of recovery today too.

Angela B.

Tomorrow is Friday!

2010-07-01T16:28:00.000-04:00

Hi all,
Well, I'm not sure if anyone is reading this or not. No followers yet. And as you can see I'm struggling to do this every Monday evening which is what I said I would do in my mind. Progress, not perfection, right?

I'm taking my foster cat to Southpark on Saturday to the adoption event to see if he can find his forever home. So, instead of hanging at the mall for a solid 6 hours, I'm going to take the opportunity to head over to the District office off Tyvola and get some Al-Anon work done. We have the new computer in place and man what a difference!

I've been missing my Al-Anon meetings. Too many committments and not enough time in a week. Two nights of physical therapy a week did NOT help my schedule. I am doing well following my knee surgery at the end of May.

As for life as DR, well there is always something more to tackle, some new challenge I never even considered. Luckily I have a Service Sponsor who is great and the previous DR Dick has been awesome about answering my questions.

We lost a group this week - Lost and Found AFG disbanded. We gained a group last month with a new group in the Ballantyne area. So holding steady as she goes for the numbers of groups.

I've found a great new web tool for trying to get a bunch of people scheduled so I'll be trying to put together an AMIIAS/Alateen meeting in the next month. The next District meeting is just 4 short weeks away too on July 31.

Off to physical therapy. I hope I see some of you at Queen City tomorrow night. I need a meeting!

Angela B.

2010-06-22T07:56:00.000-04:00

So, I'm back from my third Area World Service Committee meeting in Burlington. It has been great to get to know people from all over the North Carolina/Bermuda area.

I've sent out the flyer for the next NC/BDA convention in 2011. Yes, it is out early. Yes, we are still at the Days Inn in Southern Pines. This location being either (a) not the best maintained site or (b) too far was a significant comment gleaned from the over 150 Convention survey responses. We did choose this location for one more year while we look for a different site to sign a 3 year contract with. More on the search effort over the coming year.

We are still looking for an Alateen Coordinator, Office Coordinator and Literature Coordinator for the District. So, if you are interested in these positions, please contact me at district5dr @ gmail.com.

I'm still feeling very overwhelmed by the many duties required by this position but so many have offered your support that I'm happily still plugging along. I'm learning to ask for help too.

Recovery from knee surgery is going well. I'm at work and off crutches. Now I just have physical therapy appointments twice a week to add to my schedule.

Enough from me today. Hope you are all finding some little bit of serenity today.
Yours in service,
Angela

Monday musings

2010-06-07T19:26:00.000-04:00

Hi everyone out there in District 5,
I know most of you don't even know about this blog yet, but I'm going to try and get in the habit of at least reaching out here occasionally. We are currently looking at revamping the whole District 5 website thanks to our Website Coordinator Hayes R. (go Hayes!) Eventually I would like to have a link to this on the website for all of you to visit if you so choose, that includes all the membership, not just GR's.

So, I'm entering my sixth month here as DR and I will tell you "whew." All the things Dick R didn't mention about this job. No ramp up either - just bam there it is to be tackled right at the first Area World Service committe meeting in January. Then Winter Roundup, the District meeting, my father's cancer diagnosis; next thing I knew we were heading to Spring Assembly and now it is June!

I am enjoying meeting all of you and I promise one of these days I'll remember all of your names right off the bat. I'm getting better slowly but surely.

Oh yes - still looking to fill two positions at the District level. Office Coordinator and Alateen Coordinator. If you are interested email me at district5dr @ gmail.com.

Take care my Al-Anon friends and family.
Angela B

new stuff

2010-06-06T14:28:00.000-04:00

Hi all of you in District 5. Greetings from your District Representative. Our Area Website Coordinator has set up this blog for me. Maybe a way to communicate with all of you GR's, Treasurers, and the membership in whole. We will see.

I will tell all of you that in the first 5 months of having this job, I have a whole new respect for the work Dick R did for the last 3 years. It is a lot of information to keep up with.

Yours in service,
Angela B