I have a saying taped to my bathroom mirror. It says "You, yourself, above all others, deserve your love and affection." It is supposedly attributable to Buddha. I don't know if this is true or not. I should Google it.
The point of sharing this with you, is to let you know that many of us struggle with this. Daily. Hourly. We are so good at beating ourselves up. Coulda, woulda, shoulda about "pick a topic." This act, loving myself for who I am right now, is incredibly difficult. It is not a skill I was taught as a child. I'm not sure if anyone is taught this. I don't mean narcissistic "I'm the only person who is important and the world should revolve around me" attitude, but a true appreciation of ourselves for who we are, faults and all.
I have been working on this in little bits and pieces. I'm sure if you have read any part of the blog you will have picked up on this. I think I am actually making progress. I am not nearly as obsessive about things. When someone smiles and seems happy to see me, I let myself feel genuinely appreciated. I don't dismiss that this person is just probably being nice. It is a much more serene way to live life.
I just read back over this and I'm not sure I'm making sense. It is difficult to write down. I guess I just wanted to touch on the topics of self esteem and self acceptance again. :-)
I am headed to another Area World Service Committee meeting tomorrow. I guess maybe that prompted this thinking this afternoon. I am beating myself up that I don't have all of my DR "stuff" (paperwork - lots of it, email and group contact info, etc) as organized as I keep planning to get it.
I sometimes feel very inadequate in this service position and feel like I'm being judged every which way. The truth is that I'm probably my own worst critic. I guess that was something I was taught as a child - put myself down before anyone else can do it and then they can't hurt you. I learned it somewhere along the way that is for sure.
Well, I'm heading out to run a couple of errands and then go to the Queen City Friday night meeting.
Hugs,
Angela B.
Friday, March 18, 2011
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Reaching Out to Others
A program friend called me the other night. He caught me off guard with the call, and I didn’t ask “Are you okay? Do you need to talk?” I realized this late that night so I called him back in the morning. It turns out he did need to talk.
His need to talk, and the things I said in response, WERE EXACTLY THE THINGS I NEEDED TO HEAR MYSELF. I am still amazed at the power of this program and the ways in which it works. Picking up that phone can be so hard, so scary, so intimidating. And yet, it seems every time I have reach out via phone or had someone reach out to me, it has done us both good. So the next time you are scared to call or think “oh I’ll be a bother,” pick up the phone and make the call. The person receiving the call may need it just as much as you do.
This got me to thinking about my Higher Power. Could my HP really be acting through the person who called me? Then is he really my HP, their HP, or what? Maybe we really do all have one HP, I don’t know. Maybe we each have our own and they talk to each other to get us to do things that turn out to help each other. The point doesn’t have to be for me to understand this or even to think about it too much. This program has taught me to believe, and trust, that I have an HP who is with me always and that sometimes my HP speaks to me through other people. And that sometimes the action does both of us good.
I haven’t blogged in awhile and for that I’m sorry. I guess I overcommitted myself every which way this spring. I have literally had one free Saturday since January 1. The up side is that I’m busy (can’t think too much), that I am doing things I enjoy and with people I enjoy being with.
Hugs everyone!
Angela B.
His need to talk, and the things I said in response, WERE EXACTLY THE THINGS I NEEDED TO HEAR MYSELF. I am still amazed at the power of this program and the ways in which it works. Picking up that phone can be so hard, so scary, so intimidating. And yet, it seems every time I have reach out via phone or had someone reach out to me, it has done us both good. So the next time you are scared to call or think “oh I’ll be a bother,” pick up the phone and make the call. The person receiving the call may need it just as much as you do.
This got me to thinking about my Higher Power. Could my HP really be acting through the person who called me? Then is he really my HP, their HP, or what? Maybe we really do all have one HP, I don’t know. Maybe we each have our own and they talk to each other to get us to do things that turn out to help each other. The point doesn’t have to be for me to understand this or even to think about it too much. This program has taught me to believe, and trust, that I have an HP who is with me always and that sometimes my HP speaks to me through other people. And that sometimes the action does both of us good.
I haven’t blogged in awhile and for that I’m sorry. I guess I overcommitted myself every which way this spring. I have literally had one free Saturday since January 1. The up side is that I’m busy (can’t think too much), that I am doing things I enjoy and with people I enjoy being with.
Hugs everyone!
Angela B.
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