today's reading in ODAT

So, I missed reading my usual daily reading in Hope For Today this morning.  I already had it packed by the time I brushed my teeth.  I'm going to my sister's for the Thanksgiving holiday.  And yes, I have a post-it on my bathroom mirror that says "Brush Teeth = Daily Reading."  I just couldn't seem to get in the habit of doing a daily reading and someone suggested this at a meeting to me.

So, that brings me to today's ODAT reading.  I have no excuse for not doing a daily reading as I have Hope For Today at my bedside, Courage To Change in my car, and One Day At A Time (ODAT) in my desk drawer at work.  So the ODAT doesn't get used much because I'm doing so much better about the reading at home in the morning.

But, today, as I mentioned, I missed my reading at home, so I cracked open my ODAT before sitting down to write on the blog.  Good stuff in here people, as usual.  It is about meetings being for us and dealing with our frustrations and difficulties, not a rehash of someone else's faults and actions (our qualifier or anyone else really).

This is one of the best things I love about Al-Anon.  At healthy meetings, we don't allow each other to wallow around in our self-pity and commiserate endlessly about how we have been wronged.  We decide to stop volunteering to be victims and find constructive ways to help ourselves.  Yes!

I am blessed to regularly attend 3 healthy meetings each week.  Meetings where experience, strength and hope are routinely shared both during the meeting and in the fellowship that follows.  I know my Higher Power brought me to this program when I was finally ready, but oh it would have been so nice to have found it before I was in my late thirties!  I know, I know, I wasn't ready.

I hope you all have a wonderful and safe Thanksgiving holiday.  Believe it or not a trip just like the one I am about to take this weekend is what prompted me hitting my "bottom" and finally finding Al-Anon.  For that I'm grateful.  Remember to detach with love when needed and that expectations are premeditated resentments.

Hugs,
Angela B.

"weight" it's Tuesday

Okay, so yes it is a corny title to today's blog.  A play on words after just completing an online health assessment as part of my company's health insurance program for the coming year.  As a large company we are self insured and therefore any claims are really paid by us the employees.  You know I didn't learn this until I had been with the company for 3 years?  They are really pushing hard on several fronts to help us become healthier individuals and in effect control our own insurance costs.

So, for those of you know me personally, you know I am overweight.  This is a very hard thing for me and something I have struggled with since I hit puberty.  First it is hard to deal with, but second it is even harder to admit out loud (or in writing).  It triggers all kinds of emotional reactions. 

It also ties in super strongly to all my self esteem issues.  Never the pretty, popular cheerleader girl in school even though I would have given ANYTHING to be that girl.  Then this whole issue of my self esteem leads into my lack of romantic relationships through the years.  I did finally fall in love 4 years ago, but it was not meant to be.  We made it through 2 years of a long distance relationship before it came apart.  The sad part is I lost a friend of 15 years.

I'm sure as I start to dig into my 4th Step I will find all kinds of useful ah-ha moments that help me start to come to grips with this significant issue.

Thanks everyone for letting me throw out random topics here.

Hugs,
Angela

reaching out via telephone

Hi all,
An AFG member called me this evening.  This aspect of our program, the ability to reach out to someone on the phone list, is such a blessing. Both for the person who makes the call and the person who receives it.  The person who called was calling to see if I would be their sponsor.  Wow!  How flattering.  Unfortunately I don't think I'm at a place in my own recovery (working on step 4) to start sponsoring others.  I was able to offer her other names of AFG members to consider and contact.

She and I did talk for quite some time and I hope I was able to offer her some experience, strength and hope.  These phone calls are important for those who receive them because it gives the receiver a chance to reflect on their own growth in order to offer experience, strength and hope.  It offers the receiver a chance to help another in need like we have been helped.

For the person who makes the call, this is an important step in reaching out and trusting others.  At least it was for me.  Those phone calls to others in our fellowship have gotten me through some really rough periods in my life.  Probably more than those I called will ever know.  For their wisdom, patience, honesty and for their holding my phone call in their safe hearts and hands I am grateful.

Well, I'm wrapping up the Sunday laundry.  I hope we all have a safe and serene week.

Hugs,
Angela B.

grumpy morning

Hi all,
Well, I'm back from a great 4 day conference with a professional organization I belong to.  So inspiring to meet with this national group.  However, yesterday I had a run in with my boss over one of my designs here at work.  And today, I'm still feeling grumpy as all get out about it.

I know this is my ego and my will getting in my own way, but I'm struggling with it still 24 hours later nonetheless.  So, I'm hoping that writing about it will help.

The problem is that I finished this design for another department, and specifically didn't do something because they didn't want it designed that way.  Well, a well-meaning co-worker took my design to a weekly meeting we hold to discuss designs while I was out of the office.  In my opinion this design shouldn't have gone to this meeting because no other similar project designs ever do.  So I'm feeling resentful and persecuted about that whole aspect.

Then, I'm frustrated because what they decided at the meeting (that I was not at) was that I should do exactly what the other department didn't want.  Didn't they think I thought of that?  Didn't they think I discussed this with the other department?  So now I'm feeling like "less than" which plays into my whole ball of issues regarding self-esteen and feeling worthless.  Aiyiyi.

If anyone has any words of wisdom today, I sure could stand to hear them.  I keep asking myself "How important is it?" but so far I haven't been able to let it go.  Your experience, strength and hope would be appreciated.  For now, I'm going to try and connect to my HP and let it go.  And I may have to do that every minute for the rest of the day.

Hugs all,
Angela B.