Service and Balance

Hi all,

So tomorrow makes my 6th District meeting as District Representative, meaning I’m nearly half way through my 3 year term. It has certainly been a learning experience!

I have learned so many things along the way. I have a whole new level of respect for those who have had this position before me. Wow, is about all I can say. I have learned more than I ever thought I wanted to know about Al-Anon/Alateen. I can now explain, in detail, how we function from the individual groups to the level of the World Service Office and how we are organized from the groups to WSO.

I have learned too how amazing our program of recovery can be. I don’t think I felt it any stronger than our last District meeting. 20+ of us, discussing finances, without raised voices or name calling. Amazing. The matters were discussed, ideas brought forward and ultimately a decision was made. Now I know some who would have groaned and said how painful it was to have that meeting. Well, yes, maybe it was. But our Concepts tell us that “participation is the key to harmony” and I have seen it action. To have that kind of discussion and still walk out of the room exchanging hugs and feeling satisfied that we had all been heard.

I’m working hard to strike a balance in my life currently. It is a tough proposition. I’m single, so I am responsible for my life – the cleaning of the house, maintaining of the car, paying of the bills, laundry, taking care of the little bit of yard I have, maintenance around the house, etc; no one to share those tasks with me. I have a lot of outside interests and friends. A professional organization that I am in service with, students at UNCC that I work with, I make pottery, and when I can, I really enjoy spending time with my friends. I have obligations to my family. I still need to do my mom’s taxes. I am planning a trip to see my sister at the end of April. And there is Al-Anon and all it means in my life. I’m still working on my steps so there is that part to consider. There is my service as DR and the three meetings per week I like to attend. Oh, and downtime. I forgot about that. You know couch potato, don’t want to do a thing times. Oh and exercise. Yep, would like to fit that in somewhere. And taking care of my health – maintenance visits for thyroid, essential tremor, mammogram, yearly vision exam, dental, etc .

All in all, it is tough to balance this. I will say that I like this life better than the crazy 70 hour work week life I was living 3.5 years ago. But it is a change, and I may have swung the pendulum too far from that “work is all I do” time to this time.

So, you may ask, where is the up side in all I’ve rambled on about? Here is what I’m learning. I’m learning to love Angela B, for who I am right here, right now. Overweight, struggling to find balance, occasional moments of doubt and frustration at work, a mom who is growing older and I need to think about long term care, etc. I am doing my best to not view any of this as negative or positive, but rather simply the facts of my life as it currently exists.

It is so easy to classify things, events and emotions as good or bad, and we fall into it so easily. For instance I’ve been grieving quite a bit for the last week or so over losing my dad a year ago. Several times I have caught myself beating myself up that what I’m feeling is “bad” and I just need to “get over it.” When I do this, I have been trying hard to step back and accept that these are emotions I need to deal with and that stuffing them away is not going to help.

Okay, so now you have been treated to what amounts a journal entry for the day.  Time to get back to my job.

Hugs to you all and I look forward to seeing many of you at tomorrow’s District meeting.

Angela B.

various thoughts

It has been a couple of weeks again since I posted , darn it.  I have had a lot going on and over the last few days a lot on my mind.

It was a year ago tomorrow that the father figure in my life for the last 25 years passed away.  I miss him quite a lot, but I have not been overwhelmed by my grief thank goodness.  I still wish he was here to share so many things with me, but I was given a gift in that I got to tell him how much he meant to me before he passed.  He saved every card my sister and I ever gave him.  We sorted through them the weekend of the funeral.  My sister sat right there and re-read every one.  I still haven't been able to do it.

My sister and I each have a portion of his ashes and I've been trying to make a piece of pottery to store them in.  So far, I just haven't made the "right" piece.  Some really good pieces, but they are just not fitting the bill for me.  Maybe I need to consciously try to open up to my HP one night while on the wheel.  Funny how when I sit here and start to write the thoughts pop up.

I have ended therapy with my therapist for the time being.  She tells me she feels like a mama bird having to shove the baby bird out of the nest and assures me I am ready to fly!  I hope so!  I do feel as though I have such a support network to turn to now.  Friends, the program, the tools, slogans, activities to keep me busy and meeting new people - all good things for Angela B.

I have been thinking too about a friend I have had since college.  Unfortunately I am thinking the time has come that our friendship has possibly run it's course.  Such a sad thing.  Our lives have gone very different directions and yet the same too.  When I found Al-Anon I was so excited to tell her about it.  She grew up in an alcoholic home and I just thought "oh she will so understand this."  Unfortunately that was not her reaction at all.

Let's see what else is going on?  Well I decided to adopt the current foster cat.  I have bonded with him much more than the previous four.  I think it has to do with all his medical issues and worrying about him.  So I will officially become a real three cat household tomorrow when I complete the paperwork to adopt him.  Elliot the One-Eyed Wonder cat.  I will now be the owner of two one-eyed cats.  Who would have thought?

I'm going to visit my sister and my nieces at the end of April for my sister's 40th birthday.  My baby sister turning 40.  Yikes!  Our relationship has improved in so many ways since I found Al-Anon.  I am able to pretty much stay out of her business and not continually ride in to the rescue.  Such a relief.  I wouldn't be surprised if she feels the same.

The relationship with my mom has improved since Al-Anon although I still struggle with some things especially since I consider her my qualifier.  I came to a conclusion this morning about a method she uses for control.  If I volunteer to do something for her, i.e. her taxes or book an airline ticket, it suddenly is asked about at every phone call and I start to feel resentful.  Gee what a surprise!  :-)  So, I have learned to start limiting my volunteering.  But the conclusion I came to this morning was that it is a way for her to control, by asking about it and "gently" chiding me if it isn't done.  Makes me look at it differently, still resentful, but trying to see it from that perspective.

I get to attend my Saturday meeting in Huntersville tomorrow.  I am so looking forward to it.  I have only been able to attend once since the beginning of the year and I seriously miss this group.  I won't be able to make it to QC tonight though darn it.

Okay, I guess I need to head off to my 6:30pm appointment.

Hugs,
Angela B.