Al-Anon's 60th Anniversary

Hi to all of you. I have been away from this blog for far too long.


As many of you know this year marks the 60th Anniversary since Al-Anon was founded. What has your group done to celebrate our 60th Anniversary?

Have you donated a piece of literature to your local library, including the day, time and location of your meeting inside the cover? Have you enjoyed cake at a business such as the District did at our meeting in September? Have you been silly at your meetings such as the Epworth Group who made tiaras with "60" on them (and yes, I wore one during the District meeting)?

Please share anything you or your group has done to celebrate Al-Anon's 60th Anniversary as a comment to this blog post.

Hugs in service,
Angela B.

Service and Balance

Hi all,

So tomorrow makes my 6th District meeting as District Representative, meaning I’m nearly half way through my 3 year term. It has certainly been a learning experience!

I have learned so many things along the way. I have a whole new level of respect for those who have had this position before me. Wow, is about all I can say. I have learned more than I ever thought I wanted to know about Al-Anon/Alateen. I can now explain, in detail, how we function from the individual groups to the level of the World Service Office and how we are organized from the groups to WSO.

I have learned too how amazing our program of recovery can be. I don’t think I felt it any stronger than our last District meeting. 20+ of us, discussing finances, without raised voices or name calling. Amazing. The matters were discussed, ideas brought forward and ultimately a decision was made. Now I know some who would have groaned and said how painful it was to have that meeting. Well, yes, maybe it was. But our Concepts tell us that “participation is the key to harmony” and I have seen it action. To have that kind of discussion and still walk out of the room exchanging hugs and feeling satisfied that we had all been heard.

I’m working hard to strike a balance in my life currently. It is a tough proposition. I’m single, so I am responsible for my life – the cleaning of the house, maintaining of the car, paying of the bills, laundry, taking care of the little bit of yard I have, maintenance around the house, etc; no one to share those tasks with me. I have a lot of outside interests and friends. A professional organization that I am in service with, students at UNCC that I work with, I make pottery, and when I can, I really enjoy spending time with my friends. I have obligations to my family. I still need to do my mom’s taxes. I am planning a trip to see my sister at the end of April. And there is Al-Anon and all it means in my life. I’m still working on my steps so there is that part to consider. There is my service as DR and the three meetings per week I like to attend. Oh, and downtime. I forgot about that. You know couch potato, don’t want to do a thing times. Oh and exercise. Yep, would like to fit that in somewhere. And taking care of my health – maintenance visits for thyroid, essential tremor, mammogram, yearly vision exam, dental, etc .

All in all, it is tough to balance this. I will say that I like this life better than the crazy 70 hour work week life I was living 3.5 years ago. But it is a change, and I may have swung the pendulum too far from that “work is all I do” time to this time.

So, you may ask, where is the up side in all I’ve rambled on about? Here is what I’m learning. I’m learning to love Angela B, for who I am right here, right now. Overweight, struggling to find balance, occasional moments of doubt and frustration at work, a mom who is growing older and I need to think about long term care, etc. I am doing my best to not view any of this as negative or positive, but rather simply the facts of my life as it currently exists.

It is so easy to classify things, events and emotions as good or bad, and we fall into it so easily. For instance I’ve been grieving quite a bit for the last week or so over losing my dad a year ago. Several times I have caught myself beating myself up that what I’m feeling is “bad” and I just need to “get over it.” When I do this, I have been trying hard to step back and accept that these are emotions I need to deal with and that stuffing them away is not going to help.

Okay, so now you have been treated to what amounts a journal entry for the day.  Time to get back to my job.

Hugs to you all and I look forward to seeing many of you at tomorrow’s District meeting.

Angela B.

various thoughts

It has been a couple of weeks again since I posted , darn it.  I have had a lot going on and over the last few days a lot on my mind.

It was a year ago tomorrow that the father figure in my life for the last 25 years passed away.  I miss him quite a lot, but I have not been overwhelmed by my grief thank goodness.  I still wish he was here to share so many things with me, but I was given a gift in that I got to tell him how much he meant to me before he passed.  He saved every card my sister and I ever gave him.  We sorted through them the weekend of the funeral.  My sister sat right there and re-read every one.  I still haven't been able to do it.

My sister and I each have a portion of his ashes and I've been trying to make a piece of pottery to store them in.  So far, I just haven't made the "right" piece.  Some really good pieces, but they are just not fitting the bill for me.  Maybe I need to consciously try to open up to my HP one night while on the wheel.  Funny how when I sit here and start to write the thoughts pop up.

I have ended therapy with my therapist for the time being.  She tells me she feels like a mama bird having to shove the baby bird out of the nest and assures me I am ready to fly!  I hope so!  I do feel as though I have such a support network to turn to now.  Friends, the program, the tools, slogans, activities to keep me busy and meeting new people - all good things for Angela B.

I have been thinking too about a friend I have had since college.  Unfortunately I am thinking the time has come that our friendship has possibly run it's course.  Such a sad thing.  Our lives have gone very different directions and yet the same too.  When I found Al-Anon I was so excited to tell her about it.  She grew up in an alcoholic home and I just thought "oh she will so understand this."  Unfortunately that was not her reaction at all.

Let's see what else is going on?  Well I decided to adopt the current foster cat.  I have bonded with him much more than the previous four.  I think it has to do with all his medical issues and worrying about him.  So I will officially become a real three cat household tomorrow when I complete the paperwork to adopt him.  Elliot the One-Eyed Wonder cat.  I will now be the owner of two one-eyed cats.  Who would have thought?

I'm going to visit my sister and my nieces at the end of April for my sister's 40th birthday.  My baby sister turning 40.  Yikes!  Our relationship has improved in so many ways since I found Al-Anon.  I am able to pretty much stay out of her business and not continually ride in to the rescue.  Such a relief.  I wouldn't be surprised if she feels the same.

The relationship with my mom has improved since Al-Anon although I still struggle with some things especially since I consider her my qualifier.  I came to a conclusion this morning about a method she uses for control.  If I volunteer to do something for her, i.e. her taxes or book an airline ticket, it suddenly is asked about at every phone call and I start to feel resentful.  Gee what a surprise!  :-)  So, I have learned to start limiting my volunteering.  But the conclusion I came to this morning was that it is a way for her to control, by asking about it and "gently" chiding me if it isn't done.  Makes me look at it differently, still resentful, but trying to see it from that perspective.

I get to attend my Saturday meeting in Huntersville tomorrow.  I am so looking forward to it.  I have only been able to attend once since the beginning of the year and I seriously miss this group.  I won't be able to make it to QC tonight though darn it.

Okay, I guess I need to head off to my 6:30pm appointment.

Hugs,
Angela B.

loving yourself

I have a saying taped to my bathroom mirror.  It says "You, yourself, above all others, deserve your love and affection."  It is supposedly attributable to Buddha.  I don't know if this is true or not.  I should Google it.

The point of sharing this with you, is to let you know that many of us struggle with this.  Daily.  Hourly.  We are so good at beating ourselves up.  Coulda, woulda, shoulda about "pick a topic."  This act, loving myself for who I am right now, is incredibly difficult.  It is not a skill I was taught as a child.  I'm not sure if anyone is taught this.  I don't mean narcissistic "I'm the only person who is important and the world should revolve around me" attitude, but a true appreciation of ourselves for who we are, faults and all.

I have been working on this in little bits and pieces.  I'm sure if you have read any part of the blog you will have picked up on this.  I think I am actually making progress.  I am not nearly as obsessive about things.  When someone smiles and seems happy to see me, I let myself feel genuinely appreciated.  I don't dismiss that this person is just probably being nice.  It is a much more serene way to live life.

I just read back over this and I'm not sure I'm making sense.  It is difficult to write down.  I guess I just wanted to touch on the topics of self esteem and self acceptance again.  :-)

I am headed to another Area World Service Committee meeting tomorrow.  I guess maybe that prompted this thinking this afternoon.  I am beating myself up that I don't have all of my DR "stuff" (paperwork - lots of it, email and group contact info, etc) as organized as I keep planning to get it. 

I sometimes feel very inadequate in this service position and feel like I'm being judged every which way.  The truth is that I'm probably my own worst critic.  I guess that was something I was taught as a child - put myself down before anyone else can do it and then they can't hurt you.  I learned it somewhere along the way that is for sure.

Well, I'm heading out to run a couple of errands and then go to the Queen City Friday night meeting.

Hugs,
Angela B.

Reaching Out to Others

A program friend called me the other night. He caught me off guard with the call, and I didn’t ask “Are you okay? Do you need to talk?” I realized this late that night so I called him back in the morning. It turns out he did need to talk.

His need to talk, and the things I said in response, WERE EXACTLY THE THINGS I NEEDED TO HEAR MYSELF. I am still amazed at the power of this program and the ways in which it works. Picking up that phone can be so hard, so scary, so intimidating. And yet, it seems every time I have reach out via phone or had someone reach out to me, it has done us both good. So the next time you are scared to call or think “oh I’ll be a bother,” pick up the phone and make the call. The person receiving the call may need it just as much as you do.

This got me to thinking about my Higher Power. Could my HP really be acting through the person who called me? Then is he really my HP, their HP, or what? Maybe we really do all have one HP, I don’t know. Maybe we each have our own and they talk to each other to get us to do things that turn out to help each other. The point doesn’t have to be for me to understand this or even to think about it too much. This program has taught me to believe, and trust, that I have an HP who is with me always and that sometimes my HP speaks to me through other people. And that sometimes the action does both of us good.

I haven’t blogged in awhile and for that I’m sorry. I guess I overcommitted myself every which way this spring. I have literally had one free Saturday since January 1. The up side is that I’m busy (can’t think too much), that I am doing things I enjoy and with people I enjoy being with.

Hugs everyone!
Angela B.

Happy Valentine’s Day!

Okay so I’m a day late. If you know me, you know this is how holidays run for me. In fact I just loaded Christmas presents into my car this morning to be mailed out.

So I spent the weekend in Kansas. Yes, Kansas. In February. Only for a good friend would I go to a mid-western or plains state in February. A truly great friend got married this weekend.

She asked me to be her “enforcer.” New wedding party position! Actually it was to run interference between her and her family on the big day. She and I have a lot in common when it comes to family. We have been the “fixers” for years. Our families count on it. And we get frustrated and resentful when they don’t take our suggestions. Isn’t that why they called after all?

Well, no it isn’t. Or it isn’t if we don’t let it be. Okay, a double negative, but you know what I mean. “I’m really sorry you are dealing with this again” has become her mantra. What a lifesaver that statement is!

Her family is perpetually late. No family photos before they wedding. It just simply didn’t happen. The family was supposed to be at the church by 11:30 a.m. and the earliest one of them arrived was noon. So you can picture how it went. Flowers and ribbons for the pews were still being put together at 1:40 for the 2:00 pm ceremony.

Anyway, my job was to keep her calm, and answer all their questions and prod them into completing their assigned tasks, getting to where they were supposed to go, etc. I can only hope I have a friend who does the same for me one day.

After the ceremony, the two friends I was traveling with and I decided to get silly. We showed up at the reception, before the family (gasp!), in dollar store tablecloths tied on as our capes and glow stick weapons calling ourselves the bride’s superheroes! It was fantastic. A chance to be silly and ridiculous. To play. To not worry what other people thought. We played several rowdy rounds of Uno at our table, I hollered at the groom while he was dancing, and then generally danced like a goofball myself.

I have forgotten how to play to be honest. To not worry what others will think of me. To not worry about what I look like. To play, dance, and be slightly rowdy was out of my comfort zone. But I remember that comfort zone vaguely. I think I knew that zone until I was about 10 and then for a brief time in my early to mid-twenties.

What happened to those in-between times? Well, at age 10 some events happened in my family that started a lot of the loss of feeling safe and secure in my family situation. Although my mom and stepdad #1 didn’t divorce until I was 13, the family situation had changed due to some other circumstances. Then I was in teenage angst mode for years.

In my early to mid-twenties I probably weighed the least I have weighed as an adult and I’m sure that had something to do with the whole thing of not worrying about people looking at me.

Well time to dig into work.

Yours in service, and with hugs,

Angela B.

Winter Round Up

Just a quick news tidbit type post.  Winter Round Up, held on January 22, was a resounding success.  186 attendees!  Great job to Maggie and all her volunteers for pulling this together.  The silent auction was fantastic as well with over $1500 raised for our District!

I'm entering my second year of service as your District Representative.  My how the time flies!  I'm pretty sure I held my first District meeting just a week or two ago - but no that was my 5th District meeting.  Seven to go!

Thanks to all of you for your service - leading meetings, sponsoring, welcoming newcomers, helping with Winter Round Up, serving as GR for your Group, serving at the District level.  We are a powerful group when we put our heads together always looking to carry our message of serenity to the next person needing our help.  We know how we felt when we came into these rooms and I'm proud of all of you for turning around and sharing what you found.

Hugs,
Angela

Birthday

Today is my Al-Anon birthday (versus my belly button birthday)! Three years I have been in the program. What a good opportunity for reflection!

Three years ago I walked into my first Al-Anon meeting here in Charlotte. I was in such pain. So confused. The relationships with my sister and my mother had taken a major hit over the holidays. I had spent Christmas with my then boyfriend at his parent’s place in Oregon. Our relationship wasn’t doing so well either, in part due to the explosion he had seen between me, my sister and my mom at Thanksgiving. I don’t know why everything boiled up that year, but boy did it ever.

Old hurts, old resentments, me telling my mother she needed to get on a plane and leave from my sister’s rather than driving home with me. Things were said and done in the turmoil of emotions that were going on that will never be undone.

I can accept that now. I know there is no going back. I can look at my part in the whole mess though. And boy did I have a part in it.

The relationship with my sister is that much stronger for it now. I think we both shared something of ourselves, that although painful, it was good to know about each other. I always pictured her having weathered the chaos of our childhood so much better than I did. How wrong I was! She was just much better at not letting it show.

The relationship with my mom, who I consider my qualifier, is better too. Different, but better. I don’t jump in when she throws out the opportunities to embroil myself in her difficulties, my sister’s difficulties, or anyone else’s difficulties. I have learned to keep my mouth shut. I have learned they each have their own Higher Power and it isn’t me. I can’t fix what isn’t right for them. In most cases I don’t even offer advice now, because I become resentful if they don’t take it. Instead I offer sympathy and a sounding board and then change the subject.

As for my program, well I’m not as far along as I pictured. By my plan I was supposed to be done with Step 4 by this time last year and instead I’m just getting started on it. However, this program has taught me that it is okay and that I don’t have to abide by any time table but the one my Higher Power has planned for me.

The Holidays Are Over…..

Back into dealing with reality and real life – the good and the boring! The boring part is all the stuff you saw your parents do as a kid but never really thought about being part of your adult life when you grew up – bills, laundry, cleaning the house, grocery shopping, etc. The good part is I had a great holiday time with friends and family.

 

I have many good things in my life and I don’t always stop to think about them and be grateful in the moment. So I’m going to share a short gratitude list with you today.

1. My job. I like what I do and every day goes by very quickly with new challenges and new things to learn. I like the people I work with.
2. My home. I like my townhouse and the part of town I live in very much.
3. My friends. I have great friends in my life. From the ones I’ve known for more than 2 decades, to the new friends I’ve made since I came into the Al-Anon program. All of them enrich my life more than they will ever know.
4. My family. Granted, this is part of why I ended up in this program, but I’m grateful I have them, that I love them and they love me and I am not alone in this world.
5. My pets. They share their love so unconditionally, you just can’t help feeling a moment of happiness when they are happy to be snuggled up to you on the couch.
6. My health. I am not “healthy” necessarily due to my weight, but I’m also not disabled in any way and for that I’m grateful.
7. My program. I cannot even think of how screwed up I would be if I hadn’t found Al-Anon 3 years ago. My recovery birthday is next week – January 11. I know it will take time to undo the 39 years it took for me to get into the program, but I can see the progress and that is what is important.
8. My pottery. I have found an artistic outlet that I enjoy far more than I could have ever imagined. And I get to make “gratitude” or “god” boxes too!

I’m digging into my second year of service as District Representative. 2010 feels like a blur and I’m pretty sure it was just yesterday that I met with Dick R. for him to turn over files, etc to me. I’m feeling a little more confident of my abilities, and I’m sure it will work as my service sponsor says that I will feel like I know what I’m doing just about the time my 3 year term of service ends.

 

I hope all of you had a great holiday and a Happy New Year to all of us! My your program bring you serenity and joy this year.

 

Hugs,

 

Angela B.

2011 Winter Roundup!!!! And Gift Basket Silent Auction!

Well, it's that time of year again! The Winter Round Up is Saturday, January 22 at

St. Matthews Catholic Church
8015 Ballantyne Commons Parkway
Charlotte, NC 28277

Registration Begins at 8:45 AM; Program 9:45AM – 3PM
A flyer with detailed program information will be on the District 5 website http://www.charlottealanon.org/ or available from your Group Representative.

$8.00 for Al-Anon & AA Members
$5.00 Alateen

2011 District 5 Winter Round Up Gift Basket & Baked Goods/Homemade Craft Silent Auction

Whooo-hoo! Possibly the most exciting, fulfilling day this winter is almost here! Yes, ladies and gentlemen, we are changing it up a little and are having a Gift Basket AND Baked/Frozen Food/Homemade Craft Silent Auction to support District 5 and functions that affect our District.

We are asking your group to donate a basket, but are also encouraging individuals to donate an auctionable item(s) as well. The individual donations do not necessarily need to be a part of the group’s gift basket. Get together with your friends and schedule a making/baking/basket assembly party!! We have had so much success with the talent that is so abundant in our fellowship. We've had art, photographs, sailing lessons, fiddle lessons, Spirit Fairies, apple cake, hand knitted scarves, crocheted blankets, terrariums, dog treats, frozen dinners, hair cuts, and many, many other items. The spa, coffee, tea, knitted/crocheted items, gardening, pet, Al-Anon literature, food, breakfast, soup, cookies/sweets, movie, spiritual, good luck and book themes are all great ideas for your donation. The Pet basket last year was an absolute hit!!!! Keeping the basket theme to a “spiritual/serene nature” is encouraged. Put on your thinking cap and donate your specialty for the auction. You may be very, very surprised to see how much your item brings in for District 5!!

If you have any questions, please post as a comment to the blog and I'll answer as best I can.
Thank you for all that you do!! All contributions are sincerely appreciated!

Please forward this along to everyone in your addressbook who is a member of Al-Anon. I look forward to seeing you on January 22!!