loving yourself

I have a saying taped to my bathroom mirror.  It says "You, yourself, above all others, deserve your love and affection."  It is supposedly attributable to Buddha.  I don't know if this is true or not.  I should Google it.

The point of sharing this with you, is to let you know that many of us struggle with this.  Daily.  Hourly.  We are so good at beating ourselves up.  Coulda, woulda, shoulda about "pick a topic."  This act, loving myself for who I am right now, is incredibly difficult.  It is not a skill I was taught as a child.  I'm not sure if anyone is taught this.  I don't mean narcissistic "I'm the only person who is important and the world should revolve around me" attitude, but a true appreciation of ourselves for who we are, faults and all.

I have been working on this in little bits and pieces.  I'm sure if you have read any part of the blog you will have picked up on this.  I think I am actually making progress.  I am not nearly as obsessive about things.  When someone smiles and seems happy to see me, I let myself feel genuinely appreciated.  I don't dismiss that this person is just probably being nice.  It is a much more serene way to live life.

I just read back over this and I'm not sure I'm making sense.  It is difficult to write down.  I guess I just wanted to touch on the topics of self esteem and self acceptance again.  :-)

I am headed to another Area World Service Committee meeting tomorrow.  I guess maybe that prompted this thinking this afternoon.  I am beating myself up that I don't have all of my DR "stuff" (paperwork - lots of it, email and group contact info, etc) as organized as I keep planning to get it. 

I sometimes feel very inadequate in this service position and feel like I'm being judged every which way.  The truth is that I'm probably my own worst critic.  I guess that was something I was taught as a child - put myself down before anyone else can do it and then they can't hurt you.  I learned it somewhere along the way that is for sure.

Well, I'm heading out to run a couple of errands and then go to the Queen City Friday night meeting.

Hugs,
Angela B.